“Do you have a minute, Dr. Wilson?”

tumblr_m9dqe50JY11rekgalo1_400To commemorate the end of the semester and the beginning of finals, I thought I would revisit a few glimmering moments I have had with my students for anyone who has ever taken a class, taught a class, or even heard of a class.  Trust me, I cannot make this stuff up.

1.  “Our final is comprehensive.  Does that mean that it covers everything we have read?”

2.  “Dr. XYZ  is letting us do these really creative dialogues and just footnote our sources instead of doing a research paper like you are making us do.  Could I do this for this class too?  I mean I am a fiction writer and that would be an assignment where I would actually learn something.

3.  “I know this paper was due in March, and you probably thought I forgot all about it, but I didn’t.  Here you go.”

4.  “Our final is at 8 a.m.  That is just not going to work.”

5.  “I know our research paper is due in two days, but I didn’t have time to reread The Great  Gatsby, and so I want to change my topic to Shakespeare’s sonnets.  I am going to read them this afternoon.  Is that okay?”

6.  “What is the big deal about The Great Gatsby?  I mean, I read two chapters, and it’s not so great.”

7.  “I haven’t read this book.  This is the one I decided to skip.”

8.  “I looked at your comments on my paper, and what is ‘diction’?”

9.  “You are the only professor who has ever given me a “B” on a paper.  Ever.  Are you sure that you read it?”

10.  “Our final is two hours long.  Does that mean we have to write for the whole time?”

11.  “How many pages do you want in our blue books?”

12.  “I am training for the Olympics.  I will be missing 17 classes.  Is that okay?”

13.  “I don’t know where I got any of the information that is in this research paper.  My roommate got it for me because I just have been so busy.”

14.  “I am sorry I am just getting this paper to you now.  I ended up going skiing over Spring Break, and then when we were talking about the final, I remembered all about it.”

15.  “I have made a ‘C’ on every assignment in this class.  Do you think there is any chance that I could make an ‘A’?”

Whenever I hear these things, I have to tell you, I never get too upset.  Usually, I just feel like I am having a deja vu moment, because I am.  Best of luck on finals!

12 responses

  1. Oh my GOSH!! I’m laughing SO HARD I’m crying! I would ask you if these are real comments, but sadly, I know they are true. Oh, and by the way…Keats is simply not one of my favorites, so tomorrow for my final I’ll be writing on Wuthering Heights. I know it wasn’t exactly on the syllabus, but I hope you understand. And 8:00 is dreadfully early, I will see you around 9:00!!
    Honestly!! The sad thing is, your comments are dead serious…mine, are not. Well, except for Keats; however my final exam is NOT the proper avenue to substitute Heathcliff!

  2. You should add to the list the 800-word email explaining why the student couldn’t turn in a 2-page, 600-word paper on time!

  3. I will add one of my own. Walking 15 minutes late into a very quiet American Intellectual History class one day. “What’s going on?” I asked the professor. “Ummm,” he replied, “This is the midterm.” “Oh, well then can I borrow some paper?”

  4. Ditto on the deja vu. One cannot survive long as a teacher unless you learn to love that feeling. “Oh, there was a problem with the email that resulted in only half of your paper coming through? How curious . . .”

    • Oh my gosh…STOP IT!! Y’all are killing me!! This is why I do not teach! My pass/fail ratio would be dreadfully off-balance! These are great!

  5. haha great stuff…it happens at Pace and, I’m sure, every college and university in the country…except maybe those small, groovy liberal arts colleges that don’t do tests and grades…they’re mising all the fun

  6. Hahaha! I am so guilty with the blue books. It throws us students off when there is no set requirement. We think, “This must be a trick!”….then the panic kicks in lol.

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