Keep Calm and Carry On; Or, Downton Abbey Returns

When men watch sports it is so funny:  they don’t mind when the announcers talk the whole time during the game giving their little opinions, but they get all irritated when I start talking.  Usually I am just asking an innocent question, like, “Why is a field goal only three points?”  Then I get “the look.”

Well, forget them.  They usually say really brilliant things, like, “We need some defense.”  Well, duh.

So I am going to redirect my talking to people who care, and I am going to do a little play by play of tonight’s first episode of Season 4 of Downton Abbey:

Hey, a baby is crying.  You have DOZENS of servants–someone get that baby!

A servant left.  Well, you should have paid her more.  Duh.  But she was mean.  Yay, she’s gone.  Good riddance!  Does that sound British?

Edith is helping.  She is going to place an ad.  Good for you Edith.

Lady Crawley looks awful.  I would too if that MATTHEW character person left because his contract ran out.  Is there no loyalty anymore?  His departure totally ruined my sticking with this program so these two could finally get married.  Thanks for nothing, Matthew person.

Oooooh!  Someone just told Maggie Smith that it is “a changing world.”  Brave guy!

Nanny says “I can’t stay here to bandy words.”  I am so using that.  Sometime.

O’Brien left for India.  Eat, Pray, Don’t Love.  She’ll still be mean, even in India.

THOMAS:  do shut up.  But, nice outfit.

“She is in such a fragile state, the last thing I want her to worry about is money.”  Someone can say this to me:  go ahead.  I can do fragile!!

Mrs. Patmore:  LOVE her.  More sense than all those aristocrats put together….

Carson, I have missed you so!  If they kill HIM off, I am staging a protest.

Why did Sybil have to die? Another three year contract?  I am still mad about that.

Mary, get it together or your Dad is going to ruin your ONLY son’s fortune…Quick. Ly.

Cutest couple:  Bates and the Blonde….adorable.

EDITH:  Get a grip!  Recipe for regret.

Cute kids.

MAGGIE SMITH, thank goodness.  “It’s the job of grandmothers to interfere.”  Well of course.  And, don’t eat on trays.  She is hiring Mosely BEHIND everyone’s back.  I love that.  #winning

Carson is MAD!  But, not really.  Allusion to Dickens!  References to life in the theatre!  Awesome.  Mrs. Hughes:  you tell him!

Valentine shenanigans, secret admirers, Rose–is she necessary to this show?

Mrs. Hughes telling her betters what to do:  awesome.

SEXISM on the estate!  Lady Mary, step up.

Nanny Wars!  Strife among the Staff!

Do you think I can get my students to call me “M’Lady”?

LIES LIES LIES about the Nanny.  Happens. Every. Day.

Lady Mary:  simmer down.  Carson is right.

Tom, you are cute, but don’t talk.

Temper tantrum at the table, but she has been through a lot….Lady Violet concentrates on the mousse!  Keep calm and keep eating.

Work ethic lecture:  I love the English.

Lady Mary does not think she will be a good mother.  Help her Maggie Smith! (Lady Violet–sorry, forgot.)

Robert:  Oh, you are insufferable.

Drunk servants.  Oh, Ivy.  Anna to the rescue.

Hungover servants.  Oh, Ivy.

M’Lady cannot even recognize her former employees.  Not even those who previously made out with her husband!  Come on!

Two servants for three ladies for lunch.  Lives of the leisure class…servants talking smack.  Love it.

This whole episode is about managing the help.  Rough times.

Mrs. Crawley is a saint.  So is Mrs. Hughes.

Edith! Edith!  GREAT DRESS!  Wow.  Like a peacock or something… “I thought I’d make a bit of an effort…”  How about an effort to find a SINGLE guy?  Just sayin’.  Kissing in restaurants.

Wasn’t M’Lady in St. Elmo’s Fire?  Think so.


More trouble with the help. A “ticking bomb”!!

EVIL NANNY! GET OUT!  Those innocent children! The nannies are as snobby as the aristocrats….

Robert:  You are insufferable.

Lady Crawley apologizes!  Alert the media.  Yay, Carson.

Boring lunch with men enlivened by Mary Crawley showing up.  She is totally her old self–thank goodness!

Servant snark.  Arrival of presents.  Theatre news.  Letters dropped from said present!!!

A WILL!!  Robert:  You are insufferable.

Power plays!  Go. Violet.

THE READING OF THE WILL!  Pull it together, Mary.

Bates is hardly ever on this show anymore!  Why?

“Papa gave me such a wacking at dinner.”

Carson finds picture of old girlfriend Alice…bitter.

Barrow, stop it.  Anna is innocent!

Anna, do not go to York with Rose, AKA Miley Cyrus.  Nothing. But. Trouble.


Violet is never not on the job.  Go, Violet. “There can be too much truth in any relationship.”  She is a regular Dr. Phil!

Edith: dress disaster.  Orange?  NEVER.

Edith:  “Don’t you want to see my mansion?”  Something like that…..

Dance Halls!  Oh Rose.  Tsk. Tsk.  “You sound posh enough.”  Rose is pretending to be a commoner.  Very Marie Antoinette.

Tom shows Mary the ropes.  Ah, taxes.  Such a bother.

Fighting in the dance hall!  Panic at the disco!  Oh, Rose.

Did you notice the answer to every problem is a cup of tea?

BATES IS AWESOME!  Servant debt problem solved….

Oh Carson, lighten up.  Let the kids have some fun.

“You’d do better to stitch it up and let it heal.”  Preach, Mrs. Hughes.

Anna in trouble!  No. Way.

Oh Rose.  So many shenanigans.  A MAID”S outfit…really?


I think next time Tom and Mary should get married and raise their own kids…..just a thought!  Especially now that she is owner of half…and now she knows how to run the whole show!  You go, Mary.

Carson comes to his senses.  He is awesome.  Lost the love of his life!  That was stupid.  People should not do that.  He should date Mrs. Crawley.

This was such a good game.  I mean, show. I’ll just have to keep calm and carry on, until next week.

I learned how to do that from Downton Abbey.

4 responses

  1. Love your play by play!! St. Elmo’s Fire? I had forgotten about that. Thanks for making me laugh this morning with your writing!

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