Top 10 Applause Lines from the State of the Union Address

obama2012-state-of-union-585According to the National Polling Foundation, here are the lines from the President’s State of the Union Address which received the longest sustained applause:

1.  “We honor hardworking Americans.  We always have.  Without small business owners, the entrepreneurs, and the rich, who would we demonize?  Heck, the moment the poor become successful, we Democrats are sunk.”

2.  “We need to realize that global warming is real.  It’s a fact, rooted in hard science.  Our planet is sick and over-heating.  For all you people in Atlanta and Houston stuck in Taco Bell overnight due to the freeze, I’m talking to you.”

3.  “I’ll direct my administration to create a new IRA for workers.  You see, we already spent your old IRA.  That was called Social Security.  And now we need a little bit more.  So we’ll create this new IRA, automatically sign everybody up, and spend that money too.”

4.  “We need to help the poor, which is why I’ll fight hard to increase the earned income tax credit.  You see, some people out there pay no taxes during tax time, and they feel left out of the whole tax season thing.  So, for those of you lucky enough to pay taxes, we take some of that money and sent it to those who don’t.  That way, nobody has to feel left out during tax time.”

5. “This year we enacted a massive government attempt to provide health care coverage for all Americans.  Well most, but you get the idea.  I’m really proud of this signature achievement.  But I’ve instructed Secretary Sebilius to officially call the program Boehnercare from now on, just in case.”

6.  “I’ll fight my hardest to ensure free pre-school for all Americans.  You see, no child should have to wait to until first grade to be taught the virtues of a socialized state, the danger of guns, or the benefits of recycling.”

7.   “I am the opportunity president.  And we must create more opportunities for more Americans.  This year, we must end the war on women, and demand equal pay for equal work.   Hillary asked me to put that in there to help her out in 2016.  See, I just created one more opportunity.”

8.  “Here tonight is Maria Williams.  Maria was able to get health care coverage for the first time in her life.  Sitting next to her is Martin Rodgers.  They’ve never met before, but Martin is the man who paid for Maria’s coverage through his own hard work and tax dollars.  I’d like both of them to stand up and shake hands. Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?”

9.  “In this age of deficits and overspending, the government needs to do its fair share and tighten its own belt.  That’s why tonight, I propose getting rid of one of the three branches of government.  I mean, come on, two should be enough for anybody, and I don’t plan on paying Congress any attention anyway.”

10.  “If  you like your Constitution, you can keep it.”

8 responses

  1. Oh my word! That was FUNNY! And to think I was going to WATCH the State of the Union Address…thanks for hitting the high points for me. Now, I can clear up that space on my DVR! Brilliant translation.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: